I never even tried, and none of my former employers took me seriously. “Oh, isn’t it cool, we have a Punk now, too!”

Thoroughly enjoyed surprising them by doing exactly what anyone else would expect: quitting the instant they started doing shady shit. Blindsided the lot of’em.

Easy! Coffee until the aftertaste persists, then tea to wash it down!

Given how absolutely crucial horses have been to our development as a species, being ferried around in high-class carriages is the least we could do for them!

Jesus Christ…

I think the Right has a significant enough presence over here as to encourage our leadership to tread with care, lest they upset someone. It’s not good.

I brewed alchemical potions for my action figures - Batman needed to stfu and drink his protein shake!

Oh, no, it’ll be a massacre…

Up next: Nintendo thinking of suing everyone with a Mario tattoo into slicing off affected bit of skin.

I’ve seen this somewhere before… Maybe Rick & Morty, not sure, something very fleshy, compound eyes, and squiggly tentacles where the mouth would be… Or maybe Samurai Jack?

…why?

He took an hour-long break and went home if it was bad, but he generally paid a lot of attention to what he was eating. That stopped happening when the tables turned, we’d both grab greasy and heavy fast food.

Oh, no, I’m so very sorry, that sounds awful!:( I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like, but… Jesus, like you’ve said, we’ve been in the XXIst Century for two and a half decades now, it’s beyond disappointing that this is still happening… I’m genuinely sorry…

I’m genuinely sorry you had to go through that, it really seemed to be a very unpleasant time for my buddy, to say the least… I mean, I have an apparently milder form of IBS (primarily diet and stress-based) and it’s bad enough as-is…

But, truthfully, I don’t think there’s anything of which to be ashamed. I mean, we’re being fed crap, we’re stressed out more often than we’re not, and we’re living in environments fit more for industrial equipment than for biological life. It’s no wonder our digestive systems are going haywire.

If anything, I think what my former colleague did was 100% reasonable, it’s just a repercussion of the conditions in which we’re meant to exist. Pairing that up with this social contract of “Thou shall not fart because it’s, like, awkward for the rest of us” is pure hypocrisy. Farting, thus, is an act of justified rebellion!

There genuinely is no drama quite like workplace drama.

Used to work with a really diligent and thorough dude doing Data Analysis around overall Ops performance metrics, we got along really well in terms of work ethics, so we became work buddies pretty fast. Trouble was, the higher-ups set up the original databases in Google Spreadsheets and the people who worked on those docs before us botched them beyond belief. We kept trying to convince Management to let us redo all databases in SQL, link them with our tools to make things dynamic, and pull them through Power BI to get some nice visuals going, but they realised their asses would be on the line if the data started showing accurate values (plus they were too cheap to actually pay for viable software), so they kept stonewalling.

One day my guy gets fed up with our manager and decides to go nuclear. Thing is, the dude had a very, very nasty case of IBS (no wonder, honestly…). So he started taking advantage of it. He’d come in, tell me to keep an eye on him, and if I saw him getting red and sweaty I should use the facilities within the next 30 minutes then stay away from them. I can tell you that I made the mistake of not heeding his words only once. The dude literally bio-bombed every washroom in that building (small office, start-up type deal), and it would linger for hours due to poor ventilation. He did this without a predictable pattern, so that nobody would figure out who was to blame. This happened for several months. I cannot begin to tell you how much respect I had for the guy.

But… that doesn’t really… what?

I’m 75% anxiety.

Jesus Christ, it didn’t even take my brain a millisecond to start fantasising…

“You’re also a contortionist in this scenario.”

I don’t even know why I bother with this train of though at this point, but I just can’t figure out if he seriously believes the shit he’s spouting, or if he’s just playing up the shock value like an edgelord. I mean, it’s clear he’s way dumber than he thinks himself to be, but I can’t get the nuance in it…